August 15, 2005
Personal:
More small tragedies
By Jack GrantThis will likely be the last "personal" post I put up on Random Fate, since I'm changing directions for this weblog, but I needed to write one final commentary on the human condition here.
When I was in high school, I was in a class called "Creative Writing" that was restricted to those students who had been classified as "gifted". They gave the same test to the students who were believed to be "gifted" as to those who were suspected of being "retarded" (to use the terminology of those pre-PC days of 27 years ago).
I took the test, which involved both putting pegs into the appropriate holes (I briefly considered trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole, but since the person giving the test seemed to have no sense of humor, even at 10 years old I was wise enough to decide better of it) along with being given a set of drawings on cards that I was supposed to arrange into a story.
To this day, I do not know if I got those drawings in the "right" order for a coherent story; my memory is very fuzzy regarding the details. I must have, because I was put in the "gifted and talented" classes, such as they were in Mississippi in the 1970s. Even then the state barely funded education, much less any programs that went outside the norm, gifted or behind the norm.
I actually had to ask to be given the tests to determine if I was "gifted". Somehow, I had not been noticed, and I complained to my parents when I was put in a class that I was completely bored in while some of the classmates I was good friends with had been put in the "gifted" class.
After I took the tests, it was surprising how many apologies were offered to my parents. Apparently, I had scored very well on all the standardized tests up until then, but no one had noticed.
My parents told me that I had been determined to have an IQ of 165.
The IQ tests of the time were designed to have a "normal" of 100.
Yet no one had noticed.
I'm still trying to determine if my parents did me a favor or not in telling me the whole truth at the time.
How does a child of 10 handle this kind of information, both about himself, and about the teachers who are supposed to be his guides yet who failed to notice such an obvious deviation that was in the realm of their responsibility to address?
I had a difficult time with it.
Even now, I try to cope with the consequences of both the knowledge of an imperfect measurement, and with the difficulties I have in communicating with people in general.
Occasionally, I meet others with whom I share some smaller or larger part of my history, and I continually wonder "what if?"
What if I had met them at a different time?
What if I had met them in different circumstances?
As with all "what if?" questions, however, there is no real answer.
One might as well ask, "What if the world were a different place?"
It the world were a different place, things would be different, would they not?
No demonstration needed, this is a tautology.
Somehow, we all rebel against the world and still cry, "Why? Why is it this way?"
There is no answer; the universe only offers silence in reply.
This is yet another small tragedy that rings large in our individual lives, but is insignificant in comparison to the blood and death that still exists on a large scale, even in these "enlightened" times.
Plus la change, plus le meme chose.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
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Posted by Jack Grant at 18:50 on 15 August 2005 Trackbacks (0) | permalinkI have determined not to tell my children their IQs. I merely tell them they are smart and it is up to them to decide how to handle the gifts they have been given. I had a cousin who was brilliant and his parents and teachers fawned all over him all the time... he ended up barely graduating from high school. He had no motivation to do anything. Ever. He's a great guy now, but he took a VERY long path to get where he is... and I wonder if the people putting him on the brainiac pedestal from the age of 6, that's right, it started at SIX, were more of a curse.
Perhaps their glossing over it... perhaps it was not as much of a hindrance but helped form you as to who you are. You were more inclined to work to your abilities. I don't know. Just a thought.
As for the rest of your post... I work on acceptance. That is the stage I am in my life. Acceptance.
Posted by: Bou at August 16, 2005 01:57 AMLike me, my twelve year old tested as gifted at a very early age. In fact, teachers and school administrators encouraged she be moved up first from Kindergarten to First, then First to Second, and so on.
While grateful for her participation in gifted classes and the challenges she has found there, I have resisted moving her up a grade or two because emotionally and socially I feel there are lessons she still needs to learn. She also needs to learn to combat the boredom which accompanies mastering lessons quickly.
The world is as it is and she must strike that balance between being true to herself, being all she can be with the gifts she has been blessed, *and* getting along with those who inhabit this world with her.
That may not be the best "recipe" for molding a prodigy, but I want her to be happy first.
As to the "what ifs," there are often small windows of opportunity in this life. I do believe (and it is my fervent hope) there is not just a single "The One" for each of us out there, but how many more than one, I know not.
When hearts and souls collide only openness and honesty between the individuals, irrespective of circumstance or convention, will overcome the regret of not knowing, not trying, and ultimately remaining alone.
Posted by: Chrissy at August 16, 2005 05:30 PM
