The power of an ideal
by Jack GrantMany, if not most, of those who regularly read Random Fate already know of the situation with my father.
Even if the recurrence of his cancer is from the bladder and prostate cancer he had in April of last year, the long-term prognosis is not good, and if it is cancer that originated in his pancreas, then he is likely in his last year of life, a year that will not be pleasant, even if I intervene with my beliefs that if there is no realistic hope, then morphine administered liberally until death is preferable.
Yet, the man my father is and has always been is not recognized in any of this, and his deeds and accomplishments need to be acknowledged.
You see, my father has always done the right thing, even when it was inconvenient, even when it was painful, even with it resulted in a loss for him.
My father has been the shining light guiding my life.
Was he perfect?
No, no man is, not for around 2000 years.
But, he did his best.
Can anyone ever ask for anything more?
I have been extraordinarily fortunate, because both my parents, for any problems or faults they had or have, they both have always tried their best for their children, for me and my brother.
What else can anyone expect or ask?
Now, at what is regarded as a young age, “only” in his early 60’s, my father may well die. No retirement, no “golden years” of relaxation.
I have done my best to tell him how much I appreciate his guidance and his example, but it seems inadequate even though I have told him in no uncertain terms. Nothing seems enough compared to what he has given me.
How can you honor the man who has shown you how to be a man; a person who is the best, wisest, and most honorable man you have ever known, a man who set an example you can only hope to follow?
Trackback URL (right-click and choose the copy shortcut/link option)
20 Comments so far
Leave a comment
You honor him by living with him as your example.
I was so hoping it was not going to come to this. I still have hope.
By Boudicca on 11.04.05 20:06
Jack, you honor him by being the man you are. I have no doubt *both* your parents have given you thier love and guidance unconditionally. I further doubt they want or expect very little in return, other than for you to be happy in your life and content with who and what you are.
The prognosis may not be good, it is certainly not what one could have hoped for. Your father will undoubedtly tell you to stay where you are and not to worry.
Time; however, is precious with those we love, irrespective of whether the period in question is sixty years or one.
God Bless.
By Chrissy on 11.04.05 20:07
Like you said, you have done your best.
Just like he always did.
Continue to do your best and you will forever honor him.
By Allan on 11.04.05 20:15
[...] You know, Jack Grant and I have had our differences, but on the whole, I’d say we remain better friends than most. Jack’s Daddy is having a tough time of it right now, and Jack, being a good man and a good Son, is feeling pretty rough himself: I have done my best to tell him how much I appreciate his guidance and his example, but it seems inadequate even though I have told him in no uncertain terms. Nothing seems enough compared to what he has given me. [...]
By Cadillac Tight » Blog Archive » Let Me Tell You a Secret on 11.04.05 20:37
… follow his example as best you can.. I know it doesn’t seem like enough, but in the end, that is all we can do…
By Eric on 11.04.05 20:57
It seems that everyone else got in ahead of me… I will say (being a parent) that no matter what your father shows outwardly when you tell him those things… inwardly his heart is bursting with pride and happiness.
Pride – in that he’s done a great job raising you and you have become a good man.
Happiness – in that we parents never expect our children to get to the point where they understand that we’ve done the best we can do… many kids don’t get to that point and those who do – only get there after they have kids of their own and find out how hard the job is!
That your father can’t outwardly display these sentiments is something you shouldn’t push – not everyone is cut out to show those emotions… they find it too embarrassing. But know that they are there – whether expressed or not.
If wishes were horses we’d have herds stampeding round the globe… I wish the news were better… I hope and pray for the best… and I know it will be difficult no matter what path he chooses.
By Teresa on 11.04.05 22:08
Fathers
Jack’s beloved father is having a difficult time at the moment. As the loving son he is, he is also having a rough time. Please give him your support and encouragement and let us all hope the elder Mr. Grant will remain healthy for decades to…
By justdotchristina on 11.04.05 22:38
I know news like this is (or can be) immobilizing, but I do encourage you to take the time to compose your thoughts and thank your dad for his example to you. Tell him personal stories he knows and loves. Regardless of the outcome of his illness, you’ll be glad you opened up. (I must confess, I’m saying this more from regret than relief.)
By Bob on 11.04.05 23:52
Yep. You honor him by showing him that you are living his lessons.
By caltechgirl on 11.05.05 00:00
you and your father will be in my thoughts and prayers.
By amelie on 11.05.05 00:05
Jack, don’t doubt for a minute that your dad is honored by you being his son. You are a wonderful man in your own right and he wouldn’t be human if he weren’t proud of his progeny. It’s a ‘parent thing’, darlin’. And if, perchance, he spends much time reading your writings, I’m sure he’s ‘beaming’ a lot of the day!
By Indigo on 11.05.05 00:23
How can you honor the man who has shown you how to be a man; a person who is the best, wisest, and most honorable man you have ever known, a man who set an example you can only hope to follow?
I think you just did, Jack. Best of luck to your dad.
By Velociman on 11.05.05 02:32
Dear Jack,
I’m going to try and not be trite for a moment. You have right here, an opportunity. Too many of us wait to make the connection, the declaration that we feel, whether it be because we fear the response or whether we think we need to find just the right time.
There is a qualitative difference betwee acceptance and resignation. You will know the difference.
By Daniel on 11.05.05 15:57
Sympathy.
Jack Grant is writing about his father, who is fighting a battle against cancer. His words bring up a lot of very personal feelings for me as I have had a similar experience in my past. Please visit Jack and
By Bloggledygook on 11.05.05 16:06
This was an amazingly insightful post, Jack. I’m praying for you and your father.
By Vavoom on 11.05.05 17:08
How do you honor him? Be you, and do it well. There is no higher honor for a parent. You have the opportunity to let him know how you appreciate him while he is with you. Use it. There are no second chances that way.
You can’t pay him back, ever. You can only pay it forward. I lost my father when he was 57, without warning. I can’t begin to say how thankful I am that I got to know him as an adult, because I wasn’t able to say goodbye.
By Tully on 11.06.05 00:25
Around the Sphere November 6th, 2005
This is a Republican Fantasy… The reason we lost the last two elections was about the candidate, not the platform. My caption to this photo. “Man I wish these people would learn to speak english!” Meanwhile, the Right continues to…
By In Search Of Utopia on 11.06.05 18:25
Jack, I get a lot of courage and strength just reading your insightful sentiments here, thank you!
I hope and pray that your father will get better soon, please hang in there and keep the faith.
By Myrtus on 11.06.05 18:53
[...] I personally have some family issues that have given me some perspective on the world at large, especially when it comes to the long-term. [...]
By Random Fate » Fear and hate on 11.07.05 06:32
[...] I recently wrote: My father has been the shining light guiding my life. [...]
By A Thanksgiving tale | Random Fate on 11.24.05 20:07
Leave a comment
Please read the comment policy
All comments are screened for conformance to the comment policy
As an anti-spam measure, a link to activate display of your comment will be sent to you using the email address given, otherwise your comment will be reviewed and moderated by the post author
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>